extra pics for blog update

working together to write a letter to santa on christmas eve.

I said, "let's put some carrots out for the reindeer..." Heath looked at me like I had said the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard and said, "um, mommy, RABBITS eat carrots, not reindeer." duh.


Christmas Eve before we left for church.





















this is what we do with our extra med syringes these days--ART!!

a dove, a twinkling star and an angel

Last night we had the annual Christmas pageant at Westminster. It was lovely--complete with over 70 children (whew!) who participated in sharing the Christmas story in a way that brings tears to parents, grandparents, and friends' eyes. sometimes you are laughing so hard that the tears come (friendly beasts BATTLING over who gets to sit closest to Jesus was a particular highlight...and Heath telling all of us that he wanted to HUG MARY!!). mostly, though, the tears come at the beauty of seeing all of these young, innocent children tell the story. For our family and friends, there is the added emotion of watching our little "twinkling star" parade around, and our sweet radiant dove (EB) who is growing up so fast, and remembering the anniversary of another gift of life from an Angel.

Two years ago tonight, my brother Jamie and I were standing in a throng of people in the elevator area of duke hospital. It had been a hard day--day 10 on life support, waiting--and he had come back to the hospital with me. Then phone rang.
The voice on the other end: "Mrs. Tuttle, we think we have a heart for Heath..." and everything changed for our family. I remember finding the chapel, staring at the tree of life on the wall--and in that moment, the only thing I could do was pray for the family that somewhere, far away, was having a very different moment in their lives. I didn't know what else to do. That was the only thing that was certain--somewhere there were people in their deepest moments of grief, giving the most amazing gift to someone they didn't know.

I talked to Angelina's mom last week for a really long time. It was so wonderful to hear her voice, talk about how her family was doing, talk about angelina and to be able to tell her how well Heath is doing. I don't think I had the words for "thank you." That couldn't possibly be enough. But I think she knows.

Tonight I am going to go to sleep early (my blessed extroverted child was so excited to be in the world that he didn't sleep much last night...) with a heart full of gratitude and joy and hope, but also a heavy heart for angelina's family in Texas.

I am going to think of last night, standing on the side of the sanctuary, looking out at the congregation that we have come to love so much, loving having so many of our family and good friends and neighbors right there and feeling the great rush emotion seeing our little "twinkling stars" spreading their light throughout the room.

i hope you sleep well too.

carrie

(also--very different subject, but you might like to check out my friend, page's blog about mothering and advent: http://themommyquack.blogspot.com)

the belles of the ball

a couple of months ago, a member of the development staff for duke children's hospital called us and asked if we might be willing to be 2010's Teddy Bear Ball patient family speakers. I actually remembered seeing the posters for it when Heath was in the hospital 2 years ago. we were honored to be asked--and the kids were excited about going to a BALL! (not that they understood either, but it sounded exciting!) Karen had gotten to know us well enough that she said, "now, there will be 750 people there, so it might freak ella brooks out..." she knows my girl. but, the thrill of the ball "gown" outweighed the scary thoughts of all those people. Heath and Chris got fitted for their tuxes, which apparently was hilarious in itself. The duke folks did everything they could to help us be prepared and for the kids to be comfortable--from getting us a suite at the hotel to having us come early in the day to "rehearse" to inviting mom and strow to join us so they could help us with the kids during the evening.

As you can see from the pics, it was quite an evening that none of us will ever forget. We arrived at the hotel to discover that the hotel staff (big cheers for the downtown durham marriott, btw) had left a spray of wine, cheese and fruit and chocolate milk for us...along with a couch full of gifts that brought absolute squeals of delight from my children--teddy bears with scarves embroidered with ella brooks and heath's names, coloring books, a truck for heath and a beautiful necklace/bracelet for eb. Their kindness was overwelming. We got our fancy clothes on (more pictures coming!) and made our way to the ball. The kids were pretty excited about the enormous playhouse that was being auctioned (made by the raleigh builder who did extreme home makeover--such a nice guy), got to drive the Barbie jeep (heath backed it off the playhouse pad and freaked us out earlier in the day!), made friends with lots of people who loved seeing them all dressed up, ran away from Wooly Bull (durham bulls mascot--my kids are not lovers of anything or anyone in costume!). The quote of the night: My mom looked at chris and said, "hey why don't you go grab a glass of wine?" Heath, who was standing next to Chris, said, "No thanks, I don't like wine..." hee, hee. He later did enjoy a little water in his wine glass.

We all went up on stage and I spoke for about 5 minutes. I will try to post the audio if I can get it from the Duke folks. Heath decided while on stage that he wanted the drumsticks that belonged to the band. Oh my. I just tried to step forward and keep talking. It was pretty emotional--but also very difficult to capture our feelings about our last two years and our experience at duke in 5 MINUTES!!! But, I think it went well.

Then, as we left the stage and Heath continued to pine for the drumsticks, they were surrounded by a throng of lovely ladies from Elon who were helping with the event, so they were pretty much in heaven. We're looking forward to the Elonthon--April 8-9, I think.

Heath even went back up and let the mc for the night (brian hoyle who is the "voice of the carolina hurricanes" who is a really great guy!) hold him while they were getting live auction bids. Pretty amazing. It was a moving evening--with beautiful music sung by 3 girls who have been patients at Duke and just the enormity of emotion that comes with seeing people be so supportive of duke children's. Then, the kids got to go have a sleepover with Ama and Grandpa while Chris and I stayed for the end of the fundraiser and a night away from home at the hotel!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

So, you'll hear more about our adventures soon, but i thought I would go ahead and post some pics and tell you a little about our night.

I almost can't imagine, or let myself imagine, what we were doing 2 years ago on this night. What a long way Heath has come!

I ask your prayers for our dear sweet Olivia (PICU roommate) who is back at Duke with some rejection issues. They are having a rough time. And I also ask for prayers for Uncle Robert and Aunt Sarah's family in New Orleans--his cousin's 11-year-old daughter was killed in a tragic accident a couple days after Thanksgiving. There really aren't words for the grief that this family is experiencing right now, and we are with them in Spirit and prayer each day.

Stay safe, warm and grateful for your blessings in this Advent season.

(also, read the blog post below that is also new)

carrie

tumbling through fall and advent

I realized recently that I hadn't made a blog post in a really long time. let's just say that this fall as been quite a wild ride...

We were able to see all of my cousins and their kids at the end of October--quite a wild Halloween time with our neighborhood parade and cousins! My Uncle Robert ("G Robert" to my kids) had been quite ill at Duke, so it was not necessarily for a good reason that we were all together, but as Aunt Nancy reminded us, "We take the gifts we are given and celebrate." Oh, that I could remember those words every day...Uncle G is doing much better and is AT HOME at Lake Lure, which is such a great celebration for our family.

we had a wonderful time celebrating Chris' dad's ordination on Nov. 7. It was my dad's birthday and the anniversary of Heath's diagnosis as well--a big day all around. AND, it was great to be able to be with family and to CELEBRATE SOMETHING so wonderful. Bob worked so hard for so long to get to this ordination. We're all very proud, and we enjoyed seeing so many family and friends during the weekend. It was especially great to see Uncle Robert and Aunt Sarah--we miss them more than we can say!!

My dad came down the next week for a visit--which was so great. The kids really enjoyed having "Pops" around to play with! We had some really nice time with my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Robert, who were still here at Hillcrest at the time.

We had a really nice visit with Nana for a few weeks and then with Grandma Betty and my brother, Pete, and his kids (who most of you who kow EB and Heath know as "the cousins!") for Thanksgiving at Mom and Strow's house. We had dance parties every night and walks in the woods and just good family time. Chris was able to get to Salem, VA, to visit with his parents and his grandmama and Aunt Diane. Grandmama broke her hip and had been in the hospital. She is doing better now, and Chris had a really good "adult" visit (we don't quite know what to do with ourselves as we travel sans our little people...but it is a bit easier). Whew, so we've pretty much seen our whole family, even extended family on both sides, in a little over 2 months!!! Uncle Jamie even came home to the US from Haiti for a while due to some of the violence in Cap Hatian associated with cholera and the recent election. He is working in St. Louis with MFK this month and will return to Haiti in January.

Heath's health has continued to be really good--and even his sleeping has improved a bit. He just loves being in the world, and often that starts at 5:30, which makes me not as pleasant to be in the world by mid-afternoon! :) We have had one minor issue that we are still working on and it has nothing to do with his heart--it is his LEGS! He kept telling us that his legs hurt (in different places) and he was also walking a bit funny. At first it was passed off as "he's just 2 and still developing..." but we started to get a little worried when it was more constant. We had a set of xrays a couple days before Thanksgiving that confirmed that it was not anything scary and probably just a Physical Therapy issue. So, we're going to start some PT this coming Wednesday and see if we can get his legs to stop hurting. Other than that and perhaps his desire to eat nothing but pasta and cheese and bread and drink nothing but chocolate milk (I keep hearing this is normal...), we're great on the health front!

This Friday, Dec. 3, we had the Westminster staff Christmas party at our house. The evening was absolutely lovely--complete with our blessed children "hosting" and welcoming all into the house (they are sometimes more helpful than their parents can take). For us, it was a wonderful way to spend a day that is still pretty fresh in our minds as the day that Heath crashed and was put on life support two years ago. I suspect that those anniversaries will not be as tough as we move along in life, but they are still pretty fresh right now. The whole group decided to sing Christmas carols, and Heath and EB asked if they could "sit" with Monica at the piano. EB handed out books and orders. Heath made himself comfortable and when Monica played, he did too. Her beautiful music was accompanied by a different kind of beautiful music by a sweet boy full of life and energy. As the group sang in beautiful harmonies with the plunking of little fingers on keys in the midst, I couldn't look at Chris across the room. I was so full of gratitude for being in this place, with these wonderful people on such a day. we sang: Silent night, Holy Night. It wasn't silent. But it was certainly very Holy.

the village

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I believe it. As families have moved further and further from living near one another, that village has looked a little different for many people. For us, we are blessed to have family right nearby and also only less than a day's drive away. We are also blessed to have a wonderful church community. Every once in a while I forget how important it is to have that "village" of family, friends and church surrounding us as we try to continue on this journey called parenting.

And then I am reminded...

A couple of weeks ago we went to the Waterford Fair. For those of you who have known my family for a long time, you know that this is a fixture in our schedules each year during the first weekend in October. This year we had over 25 family and friends at nana's house to enjoy each other's company (folks came from Alabama, HAITI, St. Louis, Atlanta, and Colorado!) and the homes tour and crafts fair in her town. It was a wild time of catching up and running after little people and admiring nana's new garden shed (strow calls it the "Jan Kitselman Center for Botanical Studies"--pete, allen and strow built this over a couple weekends and it is amazing! it is in the background of several of these pics)--and going out to have fun at the fair. We were particularly excited to be there this year because we thought that it would really be ok to have Heath out and about and that he would love it. The kids just wanted to be with their cousins.

And it was a really fun time--and then Saturday lunchtime the stomach bug hit. Heath must have picked it up with his immune suppression first. Everyone jumped into gear--Aunt Sam and Kevin taking the girls out, mom with Carson and later comforting sick Heath, Uncle Jamie and Colleen giving up their spaces for Chris and Heath at my dad's house for the "sick bay," family and friends searching until late Saturday night for a 24-hours pharmacy...it goes on and on. I know that is what we just do for each other, but as everyone was gathering to send us off a day early, the tears rose as I realized how rich our lives are with that very "village. "

And then, bless them, many of them got the darn stomach bug too. I guess that is the yuckier aspect of being part of the "village."

It was an ugly virus. Chris got it pretty bad too. Heath took a long time to recover--especially his energy. I finally took him into Duke on Thursday just to get his regular bloodwork and echo just to make sure that everything else was ok. The folks at Duke are incredible. When I emailed late at night that i was worried, I had a text calling me in first thing in the morning. Our amazing pediatrician had been working with us since the virus began--on the phone to pharmacies in virginia, checking in. Again, the "village."

Everything came back looking great, so we knew that he really just needed a little more time than most to recover. and he really has made a great turn in the last few days. If only he would stop waking up at 5:30 every morning!

But alas, i decided to not go to the wedding that Chris was doing in western north carolina for some good family friends, the Swetenbergs, just to be sure. Aunt Cindy had come up from Georgia for the weekend, and the kids and we spent a fun time with mom and strow and Aunt Cindy, who really helped with the kiddos (since daddy had gone to the wedding). Strow did house projects for us while mom and cindy played with kids and helped get stuff ready to have the session of the church over for dinner (Sunday night) while our friends, the Hills, came and escorted EB to a birthday party while i went to help get things ready for the Fall Frolic for Westminster School....WHEW! The "village" in full force.

So i guess it really takes a village to raise a child AND, really, all of us. It takes a village to raise us to the best of who we are. I am grateful for our village.

Have a good week. Love to you all--our village.

carrie

The cousins--helping to "work" on Nana's garden shed.

Aunt, Cindy, Mom, Strow, Kirby and kids with the chandelier that Strow had just moved for me (oh, these house projects are driving everyone a little batty, I think!).

the joys of parenting...

As Heath has started school, we have been so worried about what would happen with his health. He is immune-suppressed. He is in PRESCHOOL...the teachers & other parents have been great about calling to warn us about things that he might have been exposed to. Who would have thought that it would have been the women in his life with the health issues--and so far he has laughed and kept us smiling and has NOT CAUGHT ANYTHING (I am knocking on wood as I am writing this, by the way).

I picked up a yucky cold last week and tried to figure out how on earth not to give it to the kids. Then, on Saturday EB came down with a yucky stomach virus (bless our dear friend katherine who was babysitting when it came on!!! we owe her big!). She was a sick girl. We had all these things planned on Sunday that we had to cancel--preparing for the worst of all of us getting it. But so far, that hasn't happened. Then, as EB was feeling better today, I noticed that she was still favoring the wrist that she had fallen on Friday night while showing us some of her gymnastics moves in the living room. She had told us that it wasn't that bad, had played on the playground and with friends on Saturday...and then had been sick. She finally said, "ok we can go get some pictures taken..." this afternoon. And bless her heart, it was fractured. Her radius had buckled. So, we have a really hip pink cast (many of you will remember her large pink leg cast when she was about 18 months old). After dropping Daddy back off at church, Heath and i decided to cheer her up with painting her nails the same color as the cast while we watched Cars. Heath didn't understand why he shouldn't be able to participate fully in the event, so well, his nails are pink too.

i am sure he will strut right in to class tomorrow, wearing it proudly and pointing it out with his deep, loud voice.

i am sure they have seen worse.

i keep forgetting that you can plan and plan and plan and that life still takes over and usually moves you in a different direction. but that's all part of the journey. and certainly part of parenting.

every once in a while i forget how hard it is to see your children hurt and feel awful, and then I am reminded. But then, in the midst, when they are being themselves and making the best of a pretty awful situation and trying to make each other laugh...and painting each other's nails...well, I also remember the joys.

love to you all. c


IN PICS: Papa came for a great long visit last week! The kids decided to get him to play horse. I hope his back has recovered...

HEath on the first day of school

Ella Brooks and Heath on the day that they got to go in and "meet" the teachers and other students.

milestones & good reports

I am sitting here on the eve of Heath Tuttle's first official day of PRESCHOOL! Yes, he is starting in the MOUSE class tomorrow morning. We've been cleared by our dear friends (he had a really good check-up at Duke last Thursday!!!) at Duke to let him venture even further into the real world--and perhaps I should say, "watch out world, here he comes..."

The Thomas the Train backpack is sitting ready. He went to sleep beautifully--if only his older sister had also hit the sack, I'd be an even happier mama (she had her first day today and was so happy she couldn't go to sleep--I suppose I should be grateful for such things).

The end of the summer has been one crazy wild ride--in the car.

I've been doing some driving to Cary: I was invited to do a 2-month youth ministry consulting with cary presbyterian (you will remember that they are my "home church" and have been so wonderful to us through all our good and tough times). It has been like coming home again in so many ways--except all the players are 13 years older than the last time i was there regularly.but we'll just let that part go... :) I have really enjoyed my time with them. The family adjustment to my brief stint working 15-hours-a-week has been interesting, let's just say. we're grateful for mattie anne's regular afternoon each week with the kids and for chris' friday not-so-off.

To New Orleans: We saw Aunt Sarah, Uncle Robert and Bartlett off to New Orleans--we miss them! They were such a regular part of our lives. The kids keep pretending to travel to New Orleans.

To Virginia: I took the kids to northern virginia to see my family and had a good old time with "the cousins" in Nana's garden.

To Black Mountain: The kids, Chris and Sarah were able to join Pat & Bob in Black Mountain to celebrate Bob's birthday and Bop's 98th birthday. Milestones. so many.

To the beach: We were also able to go to Harker's Island for a few restful days at the end of August. The children slept. We played and actually felt more rested coming home from vacation than we have since we had children. again--milestones. sometimes its the little things like SLEEPING that make all the difference. We came back from Harker's Island a little early to attend one of the most amazing gatherings I can imagine--Duke Hospital's first ever Heart Transplant picnic--celebrating 25 years of heart transplants. There were 700 possible adults and children patients (or their families) from over those years who were invited to come, and I think there were about 120 patients and about 400 people total (families, docs, nurses, etc...) at Duke Gardens. old, young, middle age. i think heath & olivia might have been the youngest transplant patients. because we were running around after our very busy heart transplant kids, we weren't able to hear all of the program--the people i could hear speaking were very emotional and moving--but I suppose we weren't exactly in the moment to reflect too much. the tears came later. i think of all the milestones in that space. wow. below are a few pictures of the pediatric patients who were present and one from the back of the huge group of patients in their pictures. i am sure we'll get the official one at some point, but i thought it would give you an idea of the group.

So there we are. good reports, lots of laughter, a few tears--mostly happy--and a few more milestones met. school tomorrow.

blessings on you and yours.

Good night!


heath wanted to DRIVE the boat.

clowning around with cousin Carson (nana put these pillows on their backs, by the way...:)