a dove, a twinkling star and an angel

Last night we had the annual Christmas pageant at Westminster. It was lovely--complete with over 70 children (whew!) who participated in sharing the Christmas story in a way that brings tears to parents, grandparents, and friends' eyes. sometimes you are laughing so hard that the tears come (friendly beasts BATTLING over who gets to sit closest to Jesus was a particular highlight...and Heath telling all of us that he wanted to HUG MARY!!). mostly, though, the tears come at the beauty of seeing all of these young, innocent children tell the story. For our family and friends, there is the added emotion of watching our little "twinkling star" parade around, and our sweet radiant dove (EB) who is growing up so fast, and remembering the anniversary of another gift of life from an Angel.

Two years ago tonight, my brother Jamie and I were standing in a throng of people in the elevator area of duke hospital. It had been a hard day--day 10 on life support, waiting--and he had come back to the hospital with me. Then phone rang.
The voice on the other end: "Mrs. Tuttle, we think we have a heart for Heath..." and everything changed for our family. I remember finding the chapel, staring at the tree of life on the wall--and in that moment, the only thing I could do was pray for the family that somewhere, far away, was having a very different moment in their lives. I didn't know what else to do. That was the only thing that was certain--somewhere there were people in their deepest moments of grief, giving the most amazing gift to someone they didn't know.

I talked to Angelina's mom last week for a really long time. It was so wonderful to hear her voice, talk about how her family was doing, talk about angelina and to be able to tell her how well Heath is doing. I don't think I had the words for "thank you." That couldn't possibly be enough. But I think she knows.

Tonight I am going to go to sleep early (my blessed extroverted child was so excited to be in the world that he didn't sleep much last night...) with a heart full of gratitude and joy and hope, but also a heavy heart for angelina's family in Texas.

I am going to think of last night, standing on the side of the sanctuary, looking out at the congregation that we have come to love so much, loving having so many of our family and good friends and neighbors right there and feeling the great rush emotion seeing our little "twinkling stars" spreading their light throughout the room.

i hope you sleep well too.

carrie

(also--very different subject, but you might like to check out my friend, page's blog about mothering and advent: http://themommyquack.blogspot.com)