Heath birthday celebration!

car garage, a train and golf clubs--what a boy!!

picnic on the floor for all ages

our wonderful pediatrician and friend, Andy Dunk, and her children Madison and Alex

So, the Tuttles came to town this past weekend, and we decided to celebrate Heath's birthday a week late (he is 2--he doesn't have a clue what day is what, i kept reminding everyone...). We had pizza, cupcakes and juice boxes--the dream of young children (and teenagers, if I remember correctly). :) It was a lovely, wonderful day with our family and several of our dear family friends.

I think sometimes in the midst of chaos of everyday life, I forget the enormity of the past year and a half of our lives. Sometimes in the midst of Heath being a "regular" boy (and let me tell you, he is all BOY, well, with a little tu-tu love), I forget to be in awe while watcing him run around with the big kids. I suppose that is just how it is supposed to be...

But in watching his grin while blowing out the candles with his beloved sister, I was overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment, grateful for the 2 years that he has been in our lives. He has taught us so much. He is so full of live and love. I can't imagine life without him. Watching the way that Ella Brooks cares for him--well, that is IT right there.

On another note, Jamie is on his way back to Haiti today. He just realized that he needed to return immediately--and will be through Dulles tonight, to the Dominican tomorrow and making his way over the border the next day. Please pray for his safe travels, and for his strength when he is greeted with such tragedy and chaos upon his return. I am sure it will be tough, but he knows that it is exactly where he should be. I will keep you posted!

blessings to you all. carrie

more pics from heath's birthday...

gair and renee having a little fun with birthday hats!

a
a concert with uncle robert (a keyboard is behind the chair)

happy boy with balloons and pizza and family around!!

Heath turns 2!

Hello dear friends! Our sweet fella turned 2 on Monday. It hardly seems possible...he is such an amazing guy. I have been meaning to write a blog update for quite some time, but I somehow haven't quite felt like it with all of the stuff going on with Haiti. (see post below for more information)
But alas, we must live! And boy, are we LIVING! It seems amazing to me that it was a year ago Sunday that we left the hospital.
And this year Heath is doing so well--save a lovely ear infection that doesn't want to go away (we'll take that kind of not sleeping any day, by the way). He had 5 shots today, which he was not thrilled about--and let the nurses at the pedatricians' office know his feelings. He is finally able to get many of his immunizations and he gets a shot of Synagis every month (for preemies usually to stave off RSV--very expensive but insurance approves of Heath's need for it!). we have our next cath set for March 11--and no other big appts. at Duke until then. It seems so bizarre. If it weren't for all of his meds, I think I might almost forget all that has happened to this big 2-year-old.
We're celebrating birthday with family this coming weekend. BUT, our much-beloved friend, Wendy, came to see us from Virginia Beach this past weekend. WE had such a good visit (see picture below). Chris has been in the midst of a DMin class at Columbia, so he came home from Atlanta this weekend and then comes home this next weekend again. He is enjoying his class, but I think he misses us...(maybe not the lack of sleep, but his people) :) We certainly miss him. It was nice that he was home for a birthday "do-nut" with Heath on Monday, though.
Heath has decided that do-nuts (he says "doo-nut" with an enormous smile on his face) are pretty much the best thing ever. It is pretty hilarious to hear him yell "doo-nut" with just complete joy! we won't eat too many, I promise, but he had to get a couple for his birthday. once again, it is the little things in life that make so much of a difference.

So that is where we are right now.
I can't seem to get the people of Haiti off my mind--how could we, really? I talked to Jamie on skype in France today. He is struggling with figuring out how/when to get back. Their factory in Cap Hatien is up and running and they are trying to get all the medica mamba out asap. it could be really important for the children during this recovery process because it has so many extra nutrients--developed particularly for malnurished children but can be used by anyone. Many of his friends who were missing have been accounted for and are alive, which is great. We've all seen the pictures and stories about so many who did not make it. Please continue to pray for all those affected by the earthquake--and for those who will be continuing in the emergency efforts and then also into the future rebuilding efforts. There are times when you can see how you could lose hope in this situation, but the Hatians who have survived seem to be moving forward. We're just going to need to help them do it.

I will do another post soon with updates on haiti and our holidays. I have some hilarious pictures from our traveling adventures, but they aren't at my fingertips right now and I wanted to go ahead and post something.

blessings to you all.
carrie

Haiti update

*see email from Jamie with details about giving to organizations below

Almost 13 years ago this May, I was sitting on the roof of Saint Joseph's Home for Boys in Port au Prince singing and laughing with the other college students and some of our new Haitian friends. I remember vividly looking out on the poorly constructed concrete square homes upon squares that came out from the hillsides all around. Saint Joseph's collapsed in the quake. All of the boys were safe--they were outside playing right before the bell rang for dinner, I hear. I can only imagine the other buildings around--and in the worse areas of the city that we weren't even able to visit...I can only imagine...but I don't want to.
I don't want to believe that this is happening to such a poor people.
I don't want to think of all the people who have died, who are still barely alive but unable to be reached under the rubble.
I don't want to think of all of the people who my brother lived with and cared for over the years--what they are going through, some of them still missing.
i don't want to feel sick to my stomach when i think of a country with almost no infrastructure--with the small bits destroyed in the quake--trying to figure out how to rebuild.
BUT I HAVE TO. WE ALL HAVE TO.

As citizens of the WORLD, we have to think about these people. As people of faith, we are called to love and help these neighbors who need it most.

My brother, Jamie, has lived in Haiti off and on for the past 5+ years. He speaks fluent creole. We have learned so much about the Haitian culture and people from him over the years. They are a spirited people--I hear many people could be heard singing on the streets on the night of the quake. this is such a horrible tragedy. He was actually in France (and still is, since he wouldnt' be able to get back to Haiti right now) when the quake hit, so he is safe. All the people he works with in Cap Hatien are safe. He still has many friends around Port au Prince who are unaccounted for, which is so scary. Please pray for all these people.

And if you are wondering about the perspective on giving to organizations from someone who lives and works there, I have copied an email that I just received from Jamie.

all the tuttles are well, by the way. Heath had an ear infection that he has recovered from like a "regular" kid. Chris is away off and on this week and next for a DMin class--(whew--I have a great respect for single parents!) I will write more on the holidays and Heath's birthday (this coming Monday!!) when I have a few moments this weekend.
I had a much different update to write until the other day. now nothing seems more important than Haiti.
love to you all.
carrie

an email from my brother, Jamie:
Hi Chris- everyone...

Many people have been asking the question of where to give, so I just started adding names to the list of recipients and tried to touch as many of my networks as I could think of not connected with facebook. I don't really know how to answer this question, but here is my current thoughts on the subject.

The country director of the American Red Cross and several other of their employees are friends of mine and I think that would be a good place to give.

Partners in Health is still functional in the central plateau and undoubtedly will be quite active in the immediate response.

However, I want to make one argument. There is a HUGE popular response to the demands of these organizations. I don't think that they will be in need of money for the immediate future. I'm reminded of friends from grad school who found employment in the areas devastated by the tsunami working for organizations that previously had no presence in those areas simply because they had so much ear marked money left over that they had to find ways to spend it... sometimes years after many of those areas had "recovered." By no means am I saying they don't need it, but they have the US news media and the international community doing their fund raising for them.


I've been trying to imagine what the next steps are for bringing some semblance of safety, security, order... recovery? I read the first person account published by my friend Jonathan Katz, the permanent AP reporter in Haiti (http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/01/13/world/AP-CB-Surviving-Haiti.html)
and wondered the same question he did:


"But what will happen after that help, like so much here, has vanished? Will there be an after?"
9 million people live in Haiti. There will be an after. It can't disappear into the ocean. The bottom just dropped out of the bottomless pit, but it will be rebuilt.

It seems selfish to ask for money for the people that I work for at this moment, even though we specifically don't do "relief," but I have a feeling that everything will be relief for a while. I have no hesitation to ask for funds for either the Haiti Fund or Meds & Food for Kids. I chose to work for both of these groups and they are reliable stewards of money and are committed to the long term success of Haiti. Both of these organizations will no doubt be completely stretched by the last few days events.

The Haiti Fund works in the area reportedly the most damaged by the quake. The epicenter was a few miles from my old house. We have no word on the conditions there except to hear about most of the towns around there are totally leveled. Perhaps as many as 500 people rely directly on HFI for support and thousands more indirectly. The need there was already overwhelming and I can't imagine what it is like right now.
http://www.haitifundinc.org/

Meds & Food for Kids is located in Cap Haitian, which has been mostly unaffected by the physical results of the quake. We will, however, be overwhelmed with demand for our product (a nutrient dense peanut butter used to treat and prevent malnutrition) and will probably run into cost problems in trying to meet the anticipated demand.
http://www.mfkhaiti.org/

Other smaller organizations that I know well, work directly in the affected areas, are committed to long term change in Haiti and I believe do good things:


Family Health Ministries: http://www.familyhm.org/index.html

They are located in the Triangle and do medical and development work in PaP and areas in the mountains directly affected by the storm. My neighbor and very close friend from when I lived near Fondwa, Jamalyn Williamson, was leading a group there currently and still has not been heard from since the quake. Communication there is hard on a good day, so I am still very hopeful.

Children's Nutrition Project: http://cnphaiti.org/

They are also friends and located in Leogane. From what I have gathered, their offices were totally destroyed.

I can keep going for a long time listing good organizations, but I mostly just want to make the point that everyone will be hurting there right now. When you give money, give to groups that are known and established in Haiti (there are supposedly 10,000 private volunteer orgs working in Haiti!), but pick one that won't be the recipient of the general bubble of funds. Also, pick one that is focused on Haiti's future beyond the next few days and weeks, when it has fallen from the top story in the news.

In rereading this email before I send it, I see the word "overwhelmed" a lot... That's how I feel, but please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. If you do want the names of more organizations, I can come up with more. Obviously, feel free to share this email w/ whomever.

-jamie

a day such as this...

ella brooks and some of the other "friendly beasts" and all of the children (far left)
heath playing with his SAINTS semi truck and tractor gifts. vruummm....by the way, he has been wearing that lovely yellow montreat stocking cap, except in bed and bath, for 3 days!! usually he pulls it almost over his eyes and you feel like his next word is going to be "Word..."

uncle robert tells jokes...

i am sitting on the couch eating a brownie (that my mom made as part of a treat to take to the PICU staff at Duke--sorry, mom, i couldn't resist:). my children are nestled all snug in their beds (i dare say they are dreaming of things like big trucks and fancy nancy in lieu of sugar plums). i sent chris off to hang out with some fellas from the church. the football game is playing in the background. it feels almost, well, NORMAL....

there is a little part of me that feels like i am cheating on my memories, particularly on the memories of this day and the next, one year ago.

but i know that is not really true. still, at this very normal moment, i feel the tears well up in my eyes. the emotions, for all of our family and dear friends, are right on the edge. and every once in a while, they spill over just a bit when we remember what we were doing a year ago today. we had almost lost hope. it was day ten on life support, and everyone had been telling us that bad things started to happen after day ten. and then, the phone rang and the voice said, "mrs. tuttle, i figured that you had already heard the rumors." what rumors? "well, we think we have a heart."

hope. joy.

and they did. and it is a good, strong heart. and it beats well in heath's chest. it helps him be the busy, hilarious, rascally (is that word?) boy that he is. it helps him be the strong, determined little fella who has taught us so much at an early age...

and today i am so grateful for the gift of life that was given to our son, to us, from someone very far away, who has very different memories of this day a year ago.

we enjoyed the music at church today. we had an wonderful early christmas celebration with sarah, robert, bob and pat at our house after church. then sarah and robert stayed home with heath (bless them--what a gift to us!) and the rest of our crew headed to the church for the christmas pageant. and, oh my, it was a pageant. 60 children (yes, that IS the correct number) led us in all their great glory. ella brooks, a dove, sitting peacefully in the middle of the crowd. a wayward cow who made me laugh as hard as i have in a long time. 20 dancing angels. the old familiar hymns that warm my soul. the familiar story. it was magnificent. the lights came down, silent night began, and the "twinkling stars" (the youngest children) began the make their way down the aisle. it was a holy night, a holy moment. all of a sudden the emotion welled up--thinking simply of being able to BE in the moment, looking at my sweet girl, thinking about how much Heath would enjoy it next year, NEXT year (again, we can actually not be as afraid to make plans), thinking about the wonderful congregation to which we have been called...it was almost too much to take in in that moment. i shed those tears that had been coming all day--with great joy and gratitude.

with the angels, let us sing--hallelulah!

and then the lights came up, we ate dinner, sang many more carols with more people than could fit at the tables and chairs, came home to Heath doing his "i'm so happy to be with my family dance" (which is hilarious) and we snuggled for a few extra minutes on the bed all together.

if you had wondered if we were thinking about this anniversary, we most certainly are. have we talked about it? quietly, late at night, in brief moments. but as we live day to day it is almost impossible to re-live last december out loud. so instead, we have realized the best way to "celebrate" and savor the moments is to live as fully and heartily and normally as we know how these days.

and we'll give thanks for life and all those who have walked with us and cried tears of horror and great joy and made it possible for us to be here, and for this great little fella who teaches us more about living every day, and most certainly, we'll say many prayers for some dear givers of life very far away.

blessings to you all. good night.

from ER to, um, other activities...

so last year on Dec. 3 at 10:30 a.m. i was rushing around to get the kids ready to go get heath "checked" at the pediatrician, knowing in my heart that something was very wrong...only to live out some of the worst moments any parent could imagine a few hours later. This year at 10:30, my sweet, healthy son was patting the REAR END of a very nice stranger in line at the grocery store! my, how things have changed.

hilarious. i needed a few more things at the store(we're having chris' whole wonderful staff over for staff christmas party on saturday night!), and I knew that Heath would just be thrilled to drive the car cart and eat a sugar cookie. So, I scrubbed the darn car cart with all my power and all the wipes available and we went shopping with heath "vrummm, vrumming" pretty much at the top of his lungs (luckily there were about 5 other people in the store). As we were checking out, there was a little problem with the amount ringing up, so I was paying attention to what the manager and the cashier were doing with my bill (yes, i am a sale shopper and I KNEW it wasn't right...) until I heard an eruption of laughter from the line next to us and realized that my blessed child was the root of the eruption. The other cashier said, "ma'am, we're laughing because your very friendly son just patted this very nice lady's behind," and with that he and all the other employees began laughing louder with, "well, I never saw that before...he sure is friendly..." you don't know the half of it. as we were walking out to the car, I apologized about 3 times to the lady, who also thought it was hilarious and even more so because the cashier had been in the process of trying delicately to ask her if she wanted a senior citizen discount at the moment of the "pats." As I was getting Heath in the car, I said, "yes, and he's a preachers' kid to boot." She said, "well, I am a preacher's wife and that's just fine." She told me that her husband was a retired episcopal priest and I told her that my husband was the new pastor at Westminster (this would be the point where Chris would be rolling his eyes and asking where my sweet son got his ability to make friends so quickly...) and the lady said, "oh I love him! we come over to hear him preach every once in awhile. I am heading over to my church right now and the ladies are going to love this one..."

As she was walking to her car, she stopped short and turned around and said,"I always hated what happened with you all last year--what a way to start in a new place. I prayed for you and your son all the time." and I said, "Well, he just patted you on the rear end." And then she said, "I think I am going to cry. I can't believe it was him. He seems so healthy." And I added, "and frisky too..." :)

and there we are, my friends. if we couldn't find something to laugh about, we'd probably cry with tears of joy, tough memories, fears and gratitute.

we actually had a great day. my dear sister-in-law, knowing what day it was, came over and kept the kids so chris and i could go on a lunch date. we sat, by ourselves for quite some time, high at the university club looking out over all of durham, and clinked our sweet tea glasses to a better year. and then we actually started talking about plans for something else--because we have the ability to plan a bit these days...

it wasn't until sarah and i had talked a little more later, and heath was asleep, eb at a friend's house, a rare quiet house, that i really started to remember that day. (For those of you who may have signed on later-this day a year ago started with the pediatrician's office, an ambulance ride, crashing in the ER at Duke, several hours of those things you have seen on tv as they are trying to stabilize someone culminating in Heath ending up on life support late in the evening--try putting that in one sentence...)

and as i cooked (that is just what i do), I opened the door and let in the sunshine and fresh air, and I held all those moments of horror and fear in my heart.

AND, I remembered how important you all were to this journey. You dropped everything you were doing and ran to our sides, or you prayed and told your friends to pray, or cooked, or played 'friends' with ella brooks. you cried with us, you laughed with us. our family never left our sides--spending countless nights in the hospital, putting up christmas, giving up vacation days, trying to hold us. each one of us remembers different parts of that day and the surrounding days, in different ways.

and as i remember, i do it mainly to find hope in all things--who would have thought that we'd be here a year ago today?

i watched heath run after the big kids at the bus stop, giggling, we had a fun family evening with playing doctor (ironic, i think, but good to watch both kids laugh as they pretended to listen to our hearts) and decorating the christmas tree, and rolling around and listening to music.

and when i put heath to sleep, i must admit i held him a little longer than usual, kissed him a couple extra times and sang "you are my sunshine"--just because I could.

all my love. carrie

yes his arm is fractured!

If you had asked me 2 years ago what I would be thankful for in 2009, there is absolutely no way this answer would have been in the realm of possibilities: I am thankful to have a toddler so healthy and full of life that he would fracture his arm while playing on the playground, run into a recliner with his eye while laughing with family, and wake up at 4:15 a.m. regularly because, well, he loves being in the world so much he would like to start early.

nope. not on my radar screen. but such is life, my friends. would you have been able to list the things you are thankful for in 2009 a couple of years ago?

heath, eb and I were playing on the church playground last saturday when he took a funny little spill and i could tell pretty quickly that something was not quite right. however, he immediately learned to compensate for not being able to put weight on it, and you had to watch really carefully to even know that he was favoring it. our most fabulous pediatrician got him all splinted up and we had an xray that showed a small fracture. He is doing just fine--and doesn't seem to be in any pain--and just keeps trying to get us (particularly my mom--hmmm...) to take off the splint. then, if that wasn't bad enough, the stinker was running toward his daddy last night and fell into a recliner and cut the side of his eye. the pictures do not do it justice, but let's just say he looks like quite a bruiser today! poke that belly out and the picture is complete.

and yes, he IS drinking from a bottle. he has to stay so hydrated that they have told us to worry about breaking the bottle habit down the road and just get him drinking (and the bottle works much better with one hand...). if i have learned nothing else in my parenting life, i have learned to be really careful what you swear YOUR child will NEVER do before you have children...:)

another thing I am grateful for: my children love music. they run for the guitar at mom and strow's house, they bang on the piano when given any chance, they find uncle jamie's banjo wherever it has been hidden, they make anything into an instrument or microphone, they beg to hear the indigo girls or the dixie chicks (ask ella brooks to sing "galileo" by the way, it is hilarious and no, I did not let them learn "goodbye earl"). we clap to the beat, dance a bit and try desperately to snap. the other picture you see is on thanksgiving day with our dear friend, Len Clark, playing the guitar with heath. music has always been such an important part of my life, of my family's life, so to know that they have a song in their heart warms mine. no telling where that song in heath's heart comes from exactly, but it sure is melodious.

we put up our christmas tree today. not always a big deal, i suppose. but last year our parents "put up" Christmas while we were in the hospital, trying to bring some joy and normalcy to an otherwise devastating time. so, it went completely unstated today (to state all of these moments would frankly be too much for any of us to handle, so please forgive us if we shrug off any mentions of "last year" in the coming weeks), but the laughter and smiles were enough to fill this mama's heart for a long time to come.

there you have it. we have had a really great thanksgiving--multiple delicious meals with many members of our family; drives to salem, va; long wonderful walks together; and much laughter. my hope is that yours was also fabulous, and that you have many things to be thankful for this year. i know we do. we're going to go get some sleep--goodness knows when that sweet fella will decide that the day should be starting--too many things to see and do...